So it's been a year that I've been gone. Some noticed, some did not. Some seem to have only noticed within the past 2 days. Boy, you two were SMRT weren't ya? Or did it take you the full year to figure out what smartass comment you were going to message me with? lol

Yes, I'm gone. Quite happy about it too! The past year has been laced with woes of the health variety and a lot of craziness of the apartment variety, but strangely have been some of the best 12 months of my life! I ended false, careless friendships and made plenty of true, genuine ones. I've cared about Me, Myself and I, actually doing what would make me happy, instead of worrying about what everyone else would want or think.

I did a ton of soul searching throughout the past year. I no longer have internet at home (writing this from a library! W00T! Surrounded in written text!) and it was the BEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE! It's making me get out more, running down to the library whenever I need to do research, and getting out has made me appreciate my quiet time at home so much more. I had really started to take my quiet apartment for granted. At least when it's quiet. Someone next door needed anger management!

It's also made me see how unhappy I was here. I don't think I've ever been happy on DA or any other site. I did it because people expected me to. I'm apparently weak and gutless if I don't post online (thank you for the warm, heartfelt comment, that ones from you, dear FireFleaSan! <3 ). It also made me realize how out of my control I'd let my life become. I always acted based on what other people said or how other people expected me to act. I was here because I'd be called weak for leaving.

But you know what? I realized I could do better than DA, and better than all those people. I don't need people in my life that treat the internet like a game. A fantasy world where they can do or say what they want without consequence. I realized living in the real world was so much better. I've surrounded myself with people who care about me from the bottom of their hearts, give me advice when I need help, and aren't afraid to put the same kind of work into our friendship as I would. They meet me half way on everything, instead of leaving it all up to me.

If that makes me weak, than I truly feel sympathy for all you "strong" folks out there. You're missing out on a lot of love and a lot of good friendships with a lot of fantastically good people.

My life is so much more positive now. I'm doing more fulfilling things, concentrating more on my health and have a much better understanding of what I need to make me truly happy. I'm writing, I'm drawing and I'm sharing ideas and experiences with people who'll take the time to share them back. I never realized how one-sided my time online was until I got rid it. Now my life is much more three dimensional. It's a wonderful change and I can't believe I lived without it for so long.

I'm sorry that so many of you who I thought were my best friends felt the need to drop me when I needed you most. But that's okay. I lost you but in your place filled the void with better people. You know, I realized that every single person in my life that I ever drew art for, left me when the going got tough? That says a lot for your intentions. I realize now that I was a fool for not seeing it sooner.

I know I'm a good person. I know I'm a talented writer and a talented artist. I will never doubt that. I work hard for my friends and I work hard for my art and my writing. I'm no stranger to hard times in my life but I've gotten through them all. I might not be the best of the best, I might not handle everything perfectly, but that's all over-rated. I try my hardest and that's what's really important. I'm capable of making my new friends happy, through my art and my writing and just talking to them and having them do the same in return. I might not always have the best things, a lot of money or a lot of privileges, but for it I'm a better person. I can cheer my friends up and now I'm doing it in ways that make me happy too. Because for once in such a very long time, I feel completely at peace and feel as though my new friends truly appreciate me.

So to you people who messaged me recently, accusing me of being weak and spinless, I feel sorry for you. I left to better myself and be happy. I realized I don't need a website or a bunch of fake people giving me equally fake advice. I can stand on my own two feet and find happiness outside of a website. I was weak when I let other peoples opinions drag me down and I was weak when I did what other people wanted. I'd be weak to listen to your sour attitudes and heartless negativity. I was weak when I cared about the thoughts and feelings of people who didn't even know me.

You're the ones who are weak. Coming here a year later and leaving so much negativity. Coming at me with your metaphorical pitch forks isn't strength. Flailing around in an ocean isn't going to make you drown any slower. I don't need you to tell me who I am.

In closing. I'm happy. Very happy. I'm doing what I want, talking and interacting with better people, feel loved and cared for and working on bettering myself, my art, my writing and my life. I'm realizing more of what I need, and more of what I don't. Living with less and finding out what's most important.

This will be the last time I log onto DA. I do this so that the friend who's been watching this account for me, no longer has to. She's been an utter sweetheart and a champion of a friend to watch it for me this past year. I told myself a year ago that I'd make a choice by the next February about what I'd do with this place. If I was going to come back, I would. But if I wasn't, I'd shut it down for good and relieve her of watching it. She doesn't deserve the stress anymore than I do. So it's now that February and I find I don't miss this place at all. So down it goes. In a minute I'll be changing the password to something I don't know, and since the email linked with this account is defunct, it'll no longer be accessible.

I owe one person an art trade and she knows who she is. I'm still working on it and completely intend to finish. If she would like to take me up on my previous offer to pay her for her work instead, she can contact me at sketchgeek@eastlink.ca (which strangely still works!). I'll gladly pay her for her wonderful picture.

If by some chance anyone would like to contact me, you can also do so at the above noted email. I'm at the library usually once a week doing research online or returning books. I can check it then, but don't always check it every visit. If you've just messaged to tell me off, I'll just delete it. Some peoples emails are already pegged into the account as automatic deletes. Saves me the effort I could be using doing something more satisfying. lol

If your intentions are pure, I may tell you how to better contact me. But I have a strong feeling everyone that would fall under has already been contacted. Still, thinking positively, there might be someone! You just never know in this day and age. XD

So goodbye, so long, and I won't miss you DA. I wish we could have gotten along better, since the purpose of you is indeed meant to be good. Alas, you and I were just not meant to be.

To the people who just watched me, maybe didn't know me but left me so many wonderful comments over the years, I do sincerely thank you. They WERE appreciated, they just weren't what was meant to make me really, really happy. Nonetheless, thank you for taking the time to view my art, leave a comment, favorite something or watch me. I'm glad that you liked what I did and I won't forget it. Some of the more heartfelt ones I printed out a long time ago and kept. So they weren't just mindlessly deleted. Being here just wasn't right for me. For something that had become such a big part of my life, it didn't make me happy and it didn't make me strong. I needed to find what WOULD make me happy and what WOULD make me strong. It just wasn't meant to be this place.

For the people I thought were my good friends, I'm sorry I obviously wasn't as important to you as you had been to me. But you taught me a good lesson in true friendship, so for that I thank you. I might not have learned that lesson otherwise. It was a life changing experience.

Goodbye.

- ShenTao Saffron Muise aka RIP-sama aka SketchGEEK.